Thursday, January 28, 2010
Slim Pickings?
Saturday, January 23, 2010
What goes up, must come down...
Marriage is a blessing, it is not something that is owed to us or something that happens to everyone and I think sometimes we forget that. Just because we are married today doesn't mean we will be tomorrow. It is going to take work, compromise and communication. Sometimes you are going to be fed up and shut down or just want to walk away because its easier to be single and do what you want when you want than to have to come to an agreement.
First you move in together. If you both had your own place beforehand who's place do you move into or do you buy a new place together? What furniture will you keep? What if the one thing he wants in the house is the item you hate the most or isn't apart of your vision for the house? For alot of couples this is where the downward spiral starts. If you or him have a few personal items that the other hates but it makes the house feel like home to them does it really matter? If you hate the color find a slip cover for it or have it re-upholstered in a color you both like. Don't be surprised if guys want a say in what or how the house looks or if they have a vision of their own. Be willing to listen because they might surprise you.
After you move in its time to start talking about how you are going to handle the finances. This is the biggest cause for divorce and there is no right or wrong answer of how it should be handled. It's just what suits your relationship and personalities best. We have a joint account where all of our bills, groceries, household items and what not come out of. Along with that we get an allowance where we can do whatever we want with that money or nothing at all. This has worked for us because we have the same goals for the money and we can come to a decision on how we want to spend our money. Alot of strain comes when you have both decided to spend the money differently or you have an agreement and someone doesn't adhere by it. I know for alot of people this has been a big struggle. And at one point or another you are going to say or think that it was alot easier being on my own. I could do what I want when I wanted and I didn't have to run my plans by anyone but myself. And while this is true and you might be upset you have to remember why you got married in the first place. You got married because you loved this person and you decided to be with this person and in that decision there would be compromises. So maybe you can't travel to Greece with all your single friends this year but maybe you can save your money and next year you and your husband can get away to a foreign land.
Finally, family. While they are great for telling embarrassing stories from your past they can also be overbearing and over step their boundaries. This can be a very sensitive subject. you don't mean to hurt their feelings or your spouses but sometimes they need to take a step back and realize that your relationship isn't theirs. Sometimes it's not your relationship but how you are raising your children. But how do you get it to stop. I think one of the easiest ways to do it is to have the person's family it is say something first. They won't be as offended and at least then you know your spouse agrees with how you feel. If it continues you should definitely step up and say how you feel but in a respectful manner. You are still going to have to see them and communicate with them and they are your elders:). You can choose your spouse but you can't choose their family and vice versa.
You can't think your marriage is always going to be there you have to keep working on it. Once you stop you might to lose it. And nobody wants that. If things feel so overwhelming and you and your spouse want to work it out but can't on your own, don't be ashamed of going to marriage counselling. It might be the thing you need to help get you on the same page and what saves your marriage.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
6 Months of Marital Miracles!!!!!
miraculous...here is where we are shown...events that create our lives to be
more enjoyable, more loving, more adventurous than anything we could have
planned. Why do we think we know...when we let go..and trust..the mundane of
life becomes profound...leave your concepts at the door of fate...open your
arms...today is a good day."
~Marlise Karlin
Tuesday, January 19, 2010, Mr. Harold and I celebrated 6 months
marriage. We are so excited that God has brought us thus far even
though a lot of things that we have encountered in life, we ourselves don't count ourselves worthy enough to have these miracles :-)
In these 6 months of marriage, I honestly believe that our
questions of why so soon, why us, or just questions that we both have
wondered about were answered.........
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Still a jet-setter
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Overcoming the Impossible
That's a bold statement to make, but it's the truth. No, this doesn't mean that I'm married to a dirtbag. He's actually a wonderful man. What it does mean is that everyone around us let our circumstances dictate what kind of marriage we'd have. We already had a child. He had just gotten divorced. It was messy. But he was my first and only love. I've loved him since I was sixteen.
God told me he was the one. I stood on that, regardless of what people said or thought. And now, well, I can't give myself any credit for how well our lives turned out. We thank God for that.
The truth is, when you think about it, we weren't supposed to meet. Weren't supposed to fall in love. Weren't supposed to get married, have children, own a home, a partridge and a pear tree.
Okay, we don't really have the partridge. Or the pear tree (although, I wouldn't mind having one). But essentially we've beat all the odds. Especially to be so young and to have accomplished all that we have so far. When I look back, its hard for me to really put my finger on how we've done it. But the truth is, deep down inside I know.
We knew that God had put us together. Even from the start. From the moment he saw me walking the halls with my mother in high school (she was there for a function I was hosting), he told her I was going to be his wife. Of course, I got an earful from my mother about how he was sneaky and I was to stay away from him. But, that intrigued me even more. I mean, I had only known him for 2 days when he made that statement.
You know what though? Looking back, I'm glad he was right.
There's no one else I could see myself spending this life with. I've known him since he was sixteen and that was nearly ten years ago. We've been married three years now and have the life I could have only dreamed of. It's not easy, I won't lie about that. Especially when you throw in a few variables that complicate things. Like the military. Oh the military.
That one variable has created an aesthetic to our relationship that makes this very different from your average marriage. I think we're stronger for it though. In all honesty, most people don't understand how we maintain. But we do. In our own special way. Even in different countries, zip codes and time zones. When were far apart we're still together.
I hate that he's away from us so much but at the same time, I love him even more for it. Don't get me wrong. I often wonder what in the world I was thinking to marry a man in the military knowing he'd be away from us so much, fighting wars, saving lives and all that. Most people I know commend me for it. But honestly, it's the only way I know how to live. We understand what this kind of life takes. The amount of effort that has to be put into it to work.
Can I be real with you for a moment? I can? Okay great. See, this this thing here called marriage, is work. Don't let anyone else tell you differently. But the good kind. The kind that when you reap the benefits, you'll be glad you put your all into it. Marriage is one of those things that when you have two people who are committed to the covenant they made to God and to each other, there's nothing that can come against them to break them apart. And trust me, stuff will try and come against you to break you apart (that's called the devil).
Fortunately, this is the type of relationship we have. The committed to making it work kind. We've been through the water and the storm and we're still here -- loving and living. He loves me even though I don't clean toilets (I leave that for him to do). Or like to take out the trash. And even when I clutter the bathroom sink with my hair products or forget to wash his uniforms. It's love. It's ours. And it works for us.
That is so key. Doing what works for you, your marriage and/or relationship. Never try and model your relationship...your life, after something you see someone else doing. You don't know their struggles. What it took to get there. Besides, the road that's meant for you to take might be a lot easier for you to bear. Or harder. But, what is for you, is for you. The love you have is yours, no one else's. When you keep that in mind, you'll understand just how precious, special and unique it is.
But, I digress.
Folks oftentimes ask me how we do what we do so well. I never know how to respond to that. But I will say this. We communicate. We love each other. We understand each other. We give each other the space we need to grow (and trust me, there is LOTS of growing that happens when you're in a long distance marriage). We ground our love in our faith, in both each other and our God. When you have all your basis covered, its quite easy to overcome the impossible.
We did. And still do.
Were there obstacles you had to overcome in your relationship? How did you do it? Have you ever had to overcome the seemingly impossible?
Note: I chose a picture of our President and First Lady because they are a great example of a relationship overcoming the impossible. Read about it here and here.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
The Transition
Monday, January 11, 2010
It Finally Happened!!!
When I awoke the day of the wedding there was a clam and peace about the day even though I had over slept and if my MOH hadn't been there I don’t know if I would have awaken in time for the wedding. (Oh morning weddings, I don’t recommend them unless you are an early riser :)) After getting myself together and showering it was time for breakfast and hair (simultaneously due to my over sleeping). Once that was underway I had to give the groom a wake-up call. It was so nice to hear his voice since I couldn't see him or touch him. Our rooms were right next to each other so I could bang on the wall to get his attention if needed. I think the best part of getting ready was after the groom had fully awakened, I could hear him and his groomsmen laughing and joking about track and cars. He seemed happy and not nervous at all and that really helped me to stay calm. After I was dressed we left for the Chapel and in doing so we had to block off his door with bridesmaids to make sure he couldn't sneak a peek. Luckily I made it out unseen.
Once we made it to the Chapel I couldn't’t wait to walk down the aisle. I was in such a good mood that day no nerves, no anxiety, just pure bliss. Best feeling ever. When it was time to line up I just remember laughing and smiling. I was about to finally start my life with the person I was in love with and cared so much about. As the music started the bridesmaids and groomsmen started there walk. The flower girl almost didn't make it down the aisle but she pulled through at the last minute, the ring bearer was MIA but he showed up later in the ceremony and by the end everyone knew his name. At the ceremony there was never any pressure or uneasiness we sat on the alter and whispered and joked around with each other. We took it seriously but we enjoyed the day and each other. After the ceremony the reception flew by we barely ate our food the groom even missed his slice of cake because he was mingling with the guest. The reception was a whirlwind of dancing, food, greeting guest and taking pictures.
After the reception we went to our suite and passed out only to awaken shortly after to prepare for our after party. I don't remember much of it but from the pictures everyone seemed to be having a great time.
We have been married for over a year now and if I had to everything over again I would. My husband has been one of my biggest supporters and I can't thank him enough. He has pushed me and inspired me and we are growing together. I love you with all my heart!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Married in 3 months!!!!!
Meet the bloggers...
I'm a fabulous twenty-something wife to an Army Drill Sergeant and mother to two vicarious little boys and a precious little step daughter. I married my high school sweetheart six years after high school and although I currently reside in the south, and speak with a drawl, I'll always be a city girl. I am a freelance writer, music editor for a popular parenting website and will have completed my Master's degree in New Media Communications this summer. I love to cook (desserts mostly), write, read, dance, laugh and love. Being a military wife isn't easy, but it's a title I hold with pride (alongside my title as reigning Taboo champion). You're likely to find me someplace drinking coffee, obsessively stalking my Twitter account (@msladysoul) or saying my favorite phrase..."I'm just saying!"
ERICA