New Mind, New Marriage #TeamMarriage

December 31st doesn’t give you a new year; January 1st doesn’t give you a new year. It’s not the changing of a calendar that gets you a new year. It’s the changing of a mindset; it’s the changing of an attitude; it’s the changing of your spirit; It’s the changing of your heart. You could have a new year in the middle of the year. Whenever you you’ve got a new mind, you’ve got a new year--T.D. Jakes

As we begin to approach the year 2012, we all reflect on the year that is about to be in our past, 2011. We have all been through some trial and tribulation and we also have had our beautiful happy moments of this year.


Many of us also do what we call New Year's resolutions. Some of us will start our weight loss programs and some of us will state that we will put away some long habits that we no longer want apart of us. One thing I have noticed just within myself, I NEVER stick to my resolutions lol. Something will always come up especially with the weight loss goal lol.


I wonder how many of us realize its more than just the words that we proclaim but its our mindset which will lead to our actions. I often think about the marriages of this past year and ones now and I wonder how many stated that they wanted certain things to take place in their marriage but just stated the words and did not change the way they thought or their actions.


It takes more than communicating the change you would like to see, it first has to start with you and your mindset. You cant demand or command something and you don't work with yourself first. You want new life in your marriage, start with you! You want that spark back that you once had before, you start that spark!


Let us as 21st century wives and husbands so the world that it can work! #TeamMarriage is in effect for 2012 and beyond! It will work because we will have a new mind, a new spirit, a new attitude to make it work!!!

#TeamMarriage LETS GO!!!!

Attitude of Gratitude

With the holidays here and the New year vastly approaching, I’ve been thinking a lot about the little things that I am grateful for. Obviously, my husband immediately came to mind and I was overwhelmed with a feeling of sincere gratitude and appreciation towards him. But then I got to thinking, how often do I really tell him how grateful I am?

I think too many times we get caught up in thinking, “Oh well, he knows how I feel about him. He knows I appreciate him.” But does he really?

When is the last time you really thanked your partner for spending time with you? Or listening to you talk about your day? Or helping you around the house? Or going to work to help pay the bills?

I said to myself I am going to start making it a goal to openly thank my husband for all the things he would does around the house. When he wash the dishes, when he bathes our son, I want to thank him.

As I go about thanking him each day, I realized more and more all of the little things he does for me and our family. Of course, he does many big things too like going to work each day to provide for us. But he is also constantly doing other small acts of service around the house that I may not notice if I don’t make it a goal to thank him more

At first thought, it seems kind of silly and redundant to say thank you over and over again. I mean, he gets it, right? I’m thankful for him? Do I really need to say it a million times?But I noticed a big difference in our relationship; my husband and I are way more willing to help one another when we feel appreciated by the other. We wanted to be there for the other person. And in the end, those feelings of appreciation turns more into deeper feelings of love, love that is frequently expressed through our gratitude.

I feel like I am learning a very important lesson in sincerely thanking our spouses, partners, and family members that I hope to remember when times do get challenging. And I hope you also remember that “Thank You” often translates into “I Love You.” Which is truly a great feeling, gift, and blessing you can share with one another.

Supermodel Jessica White describes her future husband to Essence

Supermodel Jessica White has recently garnered some attention in the press for her decision to remain celibate until marriage, I commend her for that. Here, she describes her future husband.

ESSENCE: Describe your future husband.
JESSICA: Um… a hardworking man, obviously. Someone who can stand next to me, being a strong woman, and not disappear. Someone who won’t be emasculated by the fact that I work. Someone that understands that I love my job and I love what I do. Someone that pushes me into greatness. Someone that brings out the best in me. Someone that makes me laugh. Someone I feel safe with. I don’t feel safe around a lot of people. Be honest. Even if you screw up, or you mess up, tell me the truth. You know men mess up. Women create this big illusion in their head that the man they’re going to be with is going to be perfect. Nobody’s going to be perfect and people are going to let you down. The only thing that you can hope for is someone that’s going to be honest with you.
Ladies, tell us about your current or future husband...

Beyonce Relives Wedding Memories

Everyone should know by now that I'm a big fan of Essence Magazine. Well here's a quick Access Hollywood clip on Beyonce, reliving her wedding day and her new single, Best Thing I Never Had from the album 4.

My Fab Spain (and Morocco and Portugal) Vacation!

It took sometime to load all the photos, but I promised you all that I would share with you my 10-day whirlwind vacation so here it is...

Day 1: We flew into Madrid and spent one night there. That night we met this soccer team of really cool guys that just want to have a good time. They kept calling my husband Ju-uan Wall (aka John Wall of the Washington Wizards) and MVP since we said we were from DC.

Day 2: We picked up a car (yep, we actually drove in Spain!) and headed to Lisbon, Portugal. We spent 2 nights there. Our car was super small and I called her ladybug. My husband did most of the driving and did all of the mapping and navigating...and I did a great job at it too!

Jesus welcomed us to Lisbon.

Day 4: We headed to Seville where we stayed for only one night. I LOVED Seville. I plan to go back there one day. We toured the Seville Cathedral which is the world's largest gothic cathedral and the third largest church in the world.. The craftsmanship and art work were amazing!

Day 5: We drove to Tarifa spain for the night and woke up early on Day 6 to catch a ferry ride to Morocco! We had a great tour guide that gave us a taste of Morocco in a few short hours. We even got to ride camels!

Day 6: We headed to the Costa Del Sol aka Malaga, Spain aka the equivalent of South Beach Miami and enjoyed a little partying and a little R&R. We went out to a club, had some of the best/most amazing food a hostel could ever provide and spent some time on the beach.

Day 7: We decided to return the car (gas and tolls were too much) and bought cheap plane tickets to head to Barcelona where we stayed for 2 nights. Barcelona was cool...it's so metropolitan and such a world city. Everyone there spoke at least 3 languages. I didn't use any of my spanish while I was there. That was a shame because most of the trip I was getting so fluent and confident in speaking again.

However, we did enjoy cheap wine!

Day 9: We flew to Madrid where we spent one last night before heading back home to the US. All in all a great trip! It has to be rated number one and the best part is I spent it with my honey.

Are you Willing to Carry Your Spouse's Destiny?

Adapt yourself to the things among which your lot has been cast and love sincerely the fellow creatures with whom destiny has ordained that you shall live.

Marcus Aurelius

I have been having this discussion with good friends of mines and I thought why not share with the women of immarriednow.com

If I could pick a subtitle for this blog it would be Interceding for you husbands. We as Women (Saved or Un-saved) have a duty to uplift our husbands daily because of the daily activities a Man has to go through. (And trust this goes both ways). In Genesis 2:18 it states that the woman is suppose to be a HELP MEET for the man. And that just does not consist of cooking and cleaning. It means that at times, certain things that we may wants at the time we must put on hold because the head of our family needs us spiritually more right now than a want. But even as we carry or even push our husbands into their destiny/calling we are also being molded for what is to come for us.

You need to pray for your husband's destiny to be birthed if it has not been; pray that his God given vision should be established; pray for him to be focused; pray for him not to fall into error; pray for his deliverance if in any form of bondage; pray for favor upon his job or business; pray for him to have good health; pray for protection etc. Rather than compete with your husband or judge and criticize him, it is always beneficial if you go on your knees to intercede for him.

We as wives see certain things that our husband cant see or at the time may not see because of daily tasks that comes with him. It is our job to pray for that vision. When we took our vows we told God that He could trust us with his blessing, our husbands. Because he is head we must protect the head of our house by praying for him because he feels most of the pressure because he is the provider. Face it, He is Big Daddy lol.

Lets say that in your home right now you are the bread winner, you pray for your husbands "ego". Pray that God gives him the peace and the understanding and you still let him know that he is needed and is the head of the house.

Here are some scriptures and declarations:

As it is written in Isaiah 60:1 – I prophesy into your life – ARISE AND SHINE FOR YOUR LIGHT IS COME

– IN YOUR CAREER ARISE
– IN YOUR BUSINESS ARISE
– IN YOUR SPIRITUAL LIFE
– IN YOUR MINISTRY ARISE IN YOUR FINANCES ARISE, IN JESUS NAME
As it is written in Isaiah 45 – I prophesy into your life –
 The Lord will hold your right hand;
 Subdue nations before you
 Loose the armors of kings for you
 Open before you the double doors of favour wherever you go
 Give unto you the treasures of darkness
 Give you the hidden riches of secret places.
As it is written in Isaiah 8:10 - Every counsel of the enemy over your life will come to nothing in Jesus name.
Every conspiracy against you on your job, business in your family will not prosper in Jesus name.
Father separate my husband from evil friends and evil influences in Jesus name. IT IS WELL WITH YOU ALL THE DAYS OF YOUR LIFE IN JESUS NAME

So as women, strong women, independent women of the 21st century, lets built our men up. Pray for them. And trust when we do our parts, we will get all our wants and need. From God and our husbands!!

Forgiving Your Past to Live in your Marriage

My dear friends, I'm not writing anything new here. This is the oldest commandment in the book, and you've known it from day one. It's always been implicit in the Message you've heard. On the other hand, perhaps it is new, freshly minted as it is in both Christ and you—the darkness on its way out and the True Light already blazing!

~1 John 2:7-8(MSG)

Hey lovelies! Its been a while since I last wrote and I apologize for that. Charge it to my head and not my heart. Trust I never forget about you all :-)

Let me just say that these next blogs to follow will be that of a personal testimony and very transparent. Not saying that I wasn't speaking from experience before but you get my drift.

In January of 2002 I was raped behind my apartment building. I was coming home from after school rehearsal. One thing that haunted me was that one thing he said to me when he finished was, "You are a nobody who is being raped by somebody who will rape your mind for the rest of your life." I kept it from my mom and my grandmother until April of that same year, but I never sought help because as I am very famous for doing, I planned on burying it along with other things that have buried. But of coarse, later on in life that back fired.

After I had my son, (who will 1 on the 23 by the way, time sure does fly) I went through postpartum depression so I started counseling....coming to find out that not was I only being affected by postpartum but also post traumatic stress disorder.

Because I never dealt with being raped or seeking the professional help that was needed, certain actions began to make up my personality. Being overly nervous, not believing in myself and seeking the approval of others, because after all, "I was a nobody whose mind was being raped by somebody".

So a lot of my actions towards my husband were that of what was done to me. A lot of time us as "spiritual" beings tend to sweep stuff under the rug and think that God will take care of it, but at the same time, he has given us people here on this earth to help with the dealings. Emotionally, even though I would give my life for my husband, there was still a part of me that I could not give because of my "mind being raped"

In order for my mind to no longer be raped by this man who took something from me, marked me, I had to forgive him. In order for me to move on in my life and give my husband everything that he deserves from me, I had to forgive the man who had done this to me. Once I let go of what was then and realized that is okay now,....I saw my future life.

I say all of this to say, To LIVE in your Marriage, you have to FORGIVE your past. We have all been hurt in some way but in order to be YOU and give YOU you must FORGIVE. We have actions and tendencies that honestly are not who we are, they are of that person who has done something to us and we take it out on the wrong people. It always ends up being the person that is closest to us.

You Must Forgive to Live!

So I challenge you today to look at yourself and see the things that are honestly not you and search to see where they came from. And if you cant, seek the help that you need. There is nothing wrong with seeing someone for help. That is what they are here for.

Beach Bummin'

So this week is my husband's last in town...I'm going to miss him, but we've been really making the most of our time. We spent this past weekend in Virginia Beach, VA camping! I love camping. We stayed at the Holiday Trav-L-Park. We I cooked out on the grill, we slept in a tent, made s'mores, rode our bikes, relaxed at the beach, studied our bible, and above all, enjoyed each other's company.

My feet in the nice warm sand!

Our firepit...a gift from my little brother.

Now that he'll be gone in just a few days I've been taking the time to find some new extra-curricular activities to get into. So far I've tried pole dancing for fitness (and fun!). I've been checking out sites like Trubates, Groupon and LivingSocial to find new things to do in the DC area. I'm going to give adult ballet and yoga classes a try next. Any other suggestions? Any other sites? Let me know!

Back to Blogging - Angel

So, what's new?

Well, I recently celebrated my 2 year anniversary with a super-fabulous 10 day vacation/excursion/adventure in Spain, Portugal and Morocco! Yes, all three countries in one trip. My husband and I did a whirlwind self-guided tour of that part of the world. I'll post another blog entry sharing that trip with you.

My husband just got offered a new job assignment that will have him away for an extended period...that'll be something new for me.

I'm rearing up to finally finish decorating my home! I was featured on HGTV's My First Place in October 2010. Our episode was called, "Bachelor Pad Trade-Up". You can see a clip from our episode here.

I've decided to get active in making my personal goals and dreams come true. Those include investing more time into launching my hobby-business, ilovepageantry! and raising funds for a scholarship fund, The Exceptional Support Foundation. I would greatly appreciate your support as I pursue these endeavours.

Will write more soon!

PS - Don't forget to check out my other blog.

Question of the Day from Black Life and Entertainment

QOD:Is risqué chatting on the Internet cheating?

Check out the article and share with us your answers to this question.

National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day

Question for you...

Who's rocking their red pumps today?!

Today, Thursday, March 10, 2011 is National Women & Girls’ HIV/AIDS Awareness Day (NWGHAAD). To commemorate this day women and girls nationwide are asked to step out in their "red pumps". It's all part of The Red Pump Project.

About The Red Pump Project

Every year, the United States recognizes March 10th as National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day (NWGHAAD). It’s a nationwide initiative to raise awareness about the increasing impact of HIV/AIDS on women & girls and encourages ladies to take action. While progress has definitely been made in the areas of AIDS prevention and treatment, women still represent 27% of all new AIDS diagnoses, with African-American women accounting for 66% of that group. This year focuses on this statistic, “Every 35 minutes, a woman tests positive for HIV in the United States.”

In observance of this day, The Red Pump Project asked bloggers to participate in the third annual “Rock the Red Pump™” campaign: 500 in 50. Last year, 250 people took to Twitter, Facebook, and their blogs to help “Rock the Red Pump” and this year the goal was to get 500 blogs in 50 days to do it. I'm Married Now joined the movement and I'm happy to announce that as of 8:30 am today there were over 850 bloggers signed up!

Today, spread the word of HIV/AIDS awareness to the women in your life, if you haven't got tested...do it, and take a moment to show me your red pumps!

I Will Wait For You...

This is AMAZING, MOVING, POWERFUL! May it bless your spirit and speak to your soul.



Tell me what you think!

Building a Dynamic Marriage

My husband and I recently started taking a marriage seminar called Dynamic Marriage from the Family Institute. We are having no marital issues and simply saw this as an opportunity to better our marriage. Well I have to admit that I am pleasantly surprised. We are only 2 weeks into the class and it has already been amazing. We meet every Sunday afternoon with 7 other couples and our facilitators (husband and wife). Prior to our meetings we have homework that we do daily both independently and as a couple, we share our homework with each other and pieces of it with the class. What makes this class so great is that our homework addresses real issues in marriage, both serious and minor, and it gives you an opportunity to talk about anything and everything without an argument, or fear, or the feeling of judgement. If you've never considered participating in a marriage seminar before, I highly recommend it...especially this one. You can learn more about the Family Institute and Dynamic Marriage courses being offered near you by visiting their website. I can vouch for them when they say they'll take your marriage from "good to great!"

National Wear Red Day

Did you know that Friday, February 4th, 2011 is National Wear Red Day? It is a nation wide fundraiser to support the American Heart Association's Go Red for Women Campaign and an opportunity to increase awareness of heart health.

'Cardiovascular disease claimed the lives of nearly 500,000 American women each year, yet women were not paying attention. In fact, many even dismissed it as an “older man’s disease.” To dispel the myths and raise awareness of heart disease as the number one killer of women, the American Heart Association created Go Red For Women – a passionate, emotional, social initiative designed to empower women to take charge of their heart health.' - AHA Go Red For Women

I hope you take the time to pick out a RED outfit this Friday and show your support and help increase awareness of women's heart health. While you're at it, be sure to get your heart screened and live a heart healthy lifestyle.

Wife, Mommy & Student and Loving It?

Lets go down memory lane.....

In April of 2009 I met my best friend and soul mate

In July of 2009 I married my best friend and soul mate

In November of 2009 we received good news that we were having a baby

In June of 2010 Our son was born

In November of 2010 I started school

Now in December I have added another role to my job, Wife, Mother & Student and Loving It! or Am I?....

My first job is to be a Wife and Mother. Its it is not an easy job but its worth it! Then to add going to school on top of that....WHOOSH! You talk about time management. But even with managing time, with a newborn its not that simple. Both my babies (husband and son) require a lot of attention, but isn't that what I signed up for?

There are times where I wish I could jut go into a room and just sit there and no one would find me, can ask me to clean, cook, wash clothes, type papers, submit assignments, just gone to the world! But then I think would I really like being alone without all my "jobs"?

You know its so easy to say that we want to obtain certain goals in our life, but the work that must go into those goals are not always easy and I am learning that day by day. I love to hear stories of the elderly couples who have been married for years and yet they still have the look in their eyes as if they first met. Then to talk to the wife, and how she tells her stories of them. But what I love the most is the realness of the stories. They never tell you that it is easy and that they is no remedy or handbook for being a wife and a mother, its something you just learn along the way. And the more you learn the more you love.

So do I love being a Wife, Mommy & Student....YOU BET CHA BY GOLLY WOW!

Marriage Becoming Obsolete?

You’re living under a rock if you haven’t heard the hurricane of people currently weighing in on this subject. I’ve been hearing a disturbing report lately from a number of different media claiming that 4 out of 10 Americans believe that marriage is obsolete. Before I weigh in on this subject I first had to define the word obsolete (To be sure that I understand this statistic in context.).

Obsolete – no longer in use

Interesting, 4 out of 10 Americans believe that marriage is no longer in use.

Obsolescence - the state of being which occurs when an object, service or practice is no longer wanted even though it may still be in good working order. Obsolescence frequently occurs because a replacement has become available that is superior in one or more aspects.

Now, this second definition for obsolescence really struck me, specifically, the “replacement” piece of the definition. Our culture, society and even our churches have begun to accept fornication, shacking-up, and whatever else you want to call a relationship that has the characteristics of marriage - outside of a marriage as okay. (I know I may have offended a few here and I simply won’t apologize for it at this moment. Please note that I’m not here to judge anyone, but I am going to proceed with giving my opinion…continuing on…). Those of us who believe in marriage have a responsibility to keep our marriages strong, intact and be an example to others so this number won’t continue to grow. For that reason I appreciate the popular blog Black and Married With Kids because they did just that, they brought attention to the fact that “6 out of 10 Americans Say Marriage Is Not Becoming Obsolete…”, oh how I love statistics!

So now, I encourage all of you to continue this conversation and point out the fact that in today’s society 60% of Americans still believe in marriage and that you just happen to be one of them. Please read the BMWK article here for more.

Words of Wisdom from a reader...

"I think communication in a marriage is key...and i also think it's a challenge for some- almost like a gift and a curse - some people have to practice it to perfect it."

From Facebook fan page by Tynese J.

Motherhood

Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field, since the payment is pure love.
~Mildred B. Vermont

Being a Mom is one of the best things that has happened to me in my life. Being needed always by someone, a glowing glare in his eyes to say that he loves you no matter what, and most of all sacrificing everything to make sure that child has everything he needs.

No its not always easy but the tedious tasks are worth it. The sleepless nights, the poopy diapers, the nasty throw up, its all worth it!!!!

My son is such a character already and he is only 4 months...lol. He laughs at his daddy when his daddy is yelling at the tv about a game. He loves to be on his stomach and he loves applesauce. And as soon as you look at him and start talking he will talk back at you and laugh. He yells to get your attention and as soon as he hears music he bobs his head...lol

Yes it only been 4 months but it has bee the best 4 months of my life and I cant wait for the rest of my life to spend with him, my husband and our future kids.

Infidelity

"Lust has no conscience. It doesn't care if you're married, doesn't care about your responsibility, doesn't care if you're a pastor. It wants what it wants when it wants. It doesn't have to be because of lack for lust to take hold."
~Joyce Meyers

Infidelity seems to be one of the major causes of divorce or even just a major problem in marriages today. I thank God that I haven't experienced that but I know of people who have gone through it or who are even the person who's stepping out. We can all make our assumptions of what the problem or the issue was in that person's marriage but the fact of the matter is we don't know unless THEY, THEMSELVES tell.

I ran across an article of a known gospel artist Tye Tribbett. Tye Tribbett and his wife both were victims and the cheater in the marriage but they worked it out and are still hold on. I want to share this article with you all because I believe that it can help someone and can help us all to see how EASY/NOT EASY it is for lust to kick in. Its important to communicate and leave no room for anything to creep in.

Romans 13:13-14(AMP):Let us live and conduct ourselves honorably and becomingly as in the [open light of] day, not in reveling (carousing) and drunkenness, not in immorality and debauchery (sensuality and licentiousness), not in quarreling and jealousy. But clothe yourself with the Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah), and make no provision for [indulging] the flesh [put a stop to thinking about the evil cravings of your physical nature] to [gratify its] desires (lusts).



Sometimes the things we can think are innocent can be the very thing that leads to our fall. This article to me is one that shows that NO ONE is more highly than others that things can not happen to them. We tend to look at leaders and people of higher class than we are and think that they can do no wrong, but the fact is they are just as human as we are and as much as we have to keep ourselves prayed up we have to do just as much if not more for them.



Here is the article. Take a read its worth it! Be Blessed!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20101021/ap_en_mu/us_music_q_a_tye_tribbett

Time for the happily ever after...

...or not quite. (Please allow a moment of transparency.)

I recently cam out of a 3 month rough patch with my husband. During this time I felt hurt and alone because he didn't seem to care about my feelings anymore. I know, that sounds childish. But it's how I felt. No matter howmany times I tried to communicate my feelings with him he just didn't get it, or worse, he got mad because he felt I was attacking his character. Eventually, I gave up trying and loneliness began to settle into my marriage. It was an awful feeling. My first year of marriage was great! It had its minor hiccups, but overall a great year. I guess we were in our honeymoon phase, but now its time for the "Happily Ever After"...that's supposed to last forever and I it was looking like hell. I started questioning myself, "Why be in a marriage that you feel completely alone in?" I don't believe in divorce, but I was ready to just be on my own...scarey hunh?

The day of reconciliation came when I called a like-minded girlfriend. She's our good friend, she's married, has the same religious and moral beliefs as I, and she and her husband actually met with the same minister/marriage counselor that we did prior to our nuptuals. Anyway, in telling her what we were going through I began to break down and cry...I hadn't cried in a looooooooonnnnngggg time. That showed me that I still cared. My friend just listened, reassured me, encouraged me, and helped me to finally have some peace. I think it was just the simple act of her listening that gave me peace. Well after this talk I was finally ready to talk to my husband...AGAIN.

It was a long and emotional conversation, but it was needed. It healed the hurt in our marriage, because it was all taking a toll on him also. We talked about our problems and found SOLUTIONS...TOGETHER. So, in the midst of my marriage drama what did I learn?

1. Do not stop at communicating your feelings to one another, but look for solutions together. People can talk all they want, but if nothing comes out of the conversation, then what's the point?

2. DO CONFIDE in a loving, trusting, like-minded friend. God puts people in your life for a reason. Ask God to help you discern those who are there for your good from those who are not.

3. Even a little bit of love is worth putting in work.

Now I'm back in love, reunited with my best friend, reliving my honeymoon phase and am thankful. I hope I have encouraged someone today.