Your Marriage, Your Friends...Do you need NEW ones?

"We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck. But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness."

~Ellen Goodman

This movie "Why Did I Get Married Too?" has a lot of married couples and even some singles out there raving about the movie. You have some who say they liked it, some who say they didn't, and some who say that it was a good movie but it was a lot that was unresolved.

There are a lot of lessons you can take from the movie and its not just the noticeable ones that everyone has seemed to pick out. I have watched the movie about 3 or4 times...lol. But every time, I watch it something new comes to me. Almost like with any movie or any book, you rarely get the same thing the second or third go round.

My focus is Marriage and Friends.

As you noticed in the movie all these couples were married and shared EVERYTHING with each other...well at least we thought everything. They all had secrets and only shared what they thought was necessary. Except for Angela, she always kept it real. Even though it was crazy....lol, it was real.

My main concern was for Sheila (Jill Scott). She was a newlywed...a new mother, new trails , new tribulations. And even though she had been married before, as we all know, a bad marriage and a good marriage are totally two different things. Shelia did not have a necessary support system that she need around her....honestly. Well, let me not say support but when it came to what she really needed to hear at the time she needed to hear it, she couldn't get it from her circle because they couldn't even be honest with themselves.

There are 2 issues that you can face with your spouse and your friends. 1) the comfort of your spouse with your friends and 2) knowing when they your friends are as real as you are.

You have some instances, like in the movie, where all the characters grew up together and knew each other, except for Troy (Sheila's husband). Troy did not know Sheila's friends as well as Sheila knew them. So when Sheila has shared some of their business with her girlfriends (who then shared with their husbands), it was not comfortable for Troy. So he asked her to not tell their business to them. Now, some may say they don't think its a big deal. Sheila knows who her friends are and know that it wont go beyond the circle, BUT its not just Sheila's marriage. It is her and Troy's marriage. When it come to the business of your marriage, you HAVE to make sure that your spouse is comfortable with what you say to your friends. Just because you know them, doesn't mean that your spouse is comfortable for them to KNOW business. Now this is not saying that you can not have those important friendships in your life, but you and your spouse should get the courtesy of consideration in your "important friendships".

Now as a newlywed (and I am talking to myself here as well), there are a lot of mistakes that we are going to make along the way. Now, when it comes to the "sisters" of ours that are married, if we can not be real with one another, how can we really keep each other lifted while on this journey called marriage. No couple, and I mean no couple is perfect but we can encourage one anther by being transparent enough to know that each other are not by ourselves. It was so sad to see that Patricia had all the answers, but couldn't have the answer to her own marriage. Angela, just could not get past the past, and Diane got caught up in a mental affair that she really tried to hide something that was so open at home. So for Sheila, who did not really know anything of this was going on, except with Angela, really could not reach out. How can a person give you proper or sound advice when they are hiding so much of their own issues.

So she find new friends?

I wouldn't say find new ones because you all have built a lot on these friendships, BUT know when its time to turn somewhere else for advice. Use your discernment to know when its a good time and when its not. Honestly, some of us"young" folk need to turn to these "seasoned" folk to get the advice we need. Its an awesome thing to have us as generation encouraging one another but we are all doing the same thing at the same time, learning the same thing at the same time. Now we have years on each other as young people, so something we can get from each other, but other things, we need to go to the ones who paved the way and are still holding on strong!

Marriage is a beautiful thing. But what makes it beautiful is the building blocks that makes your "home" stronger as the years go on. Its not always the good, but the bad makes you appreciate it more.

So lets make an effort to show the respect that is needed to our marriage, be the transparent (As much as you can) person in your circle of friends, and know when its time to get advice from our elders so that we can share what wisdom has been filled in us.