Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I may not forget you.~William Arther
Appreciation may not seem like a big thing in a marriage but when you feel unappreciated outside of home, you look to come home and feel that appreciation. At moments not only feel but also hear it.
You know they say actions speak louder than words. I have come to realize that at times, even though our actions may show appreciation, its nice to hear it to. Its easy to think that our spouse knows that we love and that we appreciate all that they do for us, but just saying the words, "Thank You", "You are Awesome", "I love you just because", etc. keep a spark that honestly that may go unnoticed.
Author Karen Leland suggests the following five ways to show appreciation: 1. Be specific. 2. Make it about character. 3. Drop a line; draft a note. 4. Be sincere. 5. Turnaround is fair play.
My 1 year anniversary is coming up, and because that's a monumental moment in our marriage, I am thinking about what I can do for my husband to let him know that I appreciate all that he has done within this first year of marriage and that I am looking forward to the rest of forever with him. While my focus is on July, why not NOW. Why not do something, doesn't have to be big or grand but just something to know that I appreciate him Now! I had a reality check about 2 weeks ago with appreciation and you never want the one that is closest to you to feel unappreciated for any reason.
As India Arie says, "Its the Little Things". So if you haven't already, let your spouse know how much you appreciate them.
After being married for a little over a year I find myself wondering what’s next? Not that I am bored in my marriage or in life but I think I am at the point where I need a change. Starting a family is something I really want to do and although I love kids I am not in a rush. I like our relationship and I am enjoying time with my husband (and our FREEDOM). So, I am ok with waiting until I figure out what I really want to do in life before I have children. So for the past few months I have had this nagging voice in my head just repeatedly asking what’s next? I had many ideas pop into my head: change my job, have children, travel…, but no matter what I thought of nothing seemed to fill the void. So then I had to take some time to figure out exactly what that void is. At first I thought it was sports and exercise. I use to love to workout and I have put on some weight since getting married so I gave it a try and even though it helped it wasn’t what I was missing. I am not sure what happened to make me have my ah-ha moment, but it did!! I was lacking creativity I went from being creative and creating paintings, drawings, prints, clothing, something almost every day all day to doing nothing but a few things here and there. For whatever reason when the new year struck I decided that this was going to be my year and I hope that gut feeling turns out to be true. I don’t expect to be famous or known by many I just want to take control over my life and make sure that I am setting the bar high and following my dreams and not someone else’s.
"You don't need to be on the save wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other's waves."
~ Toni Sciarra Poynter, From This Day Forward: Meditations on the First Years of Marriage
For the last week, I have been hearing stories from associates on their marriages. Some things makes me laugh and others makes me cry. But in listening to the stories, the thought came to mind, 'Are we as the 21st century married couples respecting the fact that another person is involved, or do we want to have our cake and eat it too?'
I'm not talking about infidelity or anything of that sort, but the simple things. For example, when you were single, you didn't have to worry about whether you could splurge on a new pair of shoes, or an outfit, or even a vacation. Even if you did have a bill to pay, you could convince yourself that you could spend that money because guess what, Its YOURS!
When we were single, we could go out as much as we wanted, hang out as late as we wanted, and frankly, just did what we wanted to do because we did not have to answer or be responsible for anyone else but ourselves. Now that we are married, that attitude, that mentality has to be gone from our minds. We now have to communicate our various moves with our spouse. Even the things that we may not think is necessary to share with them, we must.
Your marriage is a companionship and you both must act and agree as one. For example, some friends ask you to go out Saturday evening. You run this by your spouse and they remind you of a family function that you both are suppose to attend. You then respond, by saying well, you don't need me anyway, you can go there for us. But you both have already agreed on going to the family function. You have now possibly left a scar with your spouse thinking their family and or plans for the both of you don't matter. Another example, you may still go out as often as you like whenever you like with out realizing the needs of your spouse and your family.
Now that we are married, we can no longer have the mental state of doing what we want when we want to and how we want to. We have to take our spouses feelings and thought into consideration. Marriage can not work with a 'Single' mentality.
Some may say it's the "S" word and others may flat out call it slavery, but I'm referring to OBEDIENCE and SUBMISSION. I know you all are getting fired up with me...especially since this blog is for all those young fabulous 21st century women out there, but hear me out and then comment.
Let's start with some definitions....
Obedience: - the act of obeying; dutiful or submissive behavior with respect to another person - the trait of being willing to obey
Submission:
- the act of submitting; usually surrendering power to another - the condition of having submitted to control by someone or something else; "the union was brought into submission"; "his submission to the will of God" - meekness: the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness
So when us women hear people say that we must be obedient or submissive to our husbands I think we all have a tendency to roll our eyes or prepare for a debate. I'll admit that I may be number one to do those exact things depending on whose mouth it is coming from. Some of you may think that obedience is obedience and submission is submission, but it is NOT! I will not be submitting myself to an abusive man whether or not he is my husband. I will not submit myself to an ungodly man...whether or not he is my husband. But you see the key here is whether or not he is a GODLY man. The idea of being obedient comes from the bible (at least in my personal beliefs) and I for one do not think that God will outright contradict himself by expecting a wife to be submissive to a man that is not of God. Let me elaborate. When I talk to my sisters about obedience in marriage I refer to scripture, "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church. (Eph. 5:22-23)". When most people read this they hold on to "be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord." where as when I read this I see, "...even as Christ is the head of the Church." You see, God likened the husband's role in the marriage to that of Christ in the church and if my husband is leading my marriage and my household like Christ does the church (with love, humility, meeting all of the needs of the church, sacrificing his life, and so on...), then why wouldn't I want to give him the best of me? Why wouldn't I want to please him? Keep in mind however, that it does not stop there...
The bible also instructs the husband to give his wife what she needs. In fact here are 13 biblical instructions for husbands:
1) Love your wife as Christ loved the church. Give yourself up for your wife. (Ephesians 5:25)
2) Love your wife in the same way you love your body and yourself. (Ephesians 5:28-33) 3) Be considerate as you live with your wife. (I Peter 3:7) 4) Do not be harsh with your wife. (Colossians 3:19) 5) Your body belongs to your wife. (I Corinthians 7:3-5) 6) Rejoice in your wife. Let her breasts satisfy you. Be captivated with her. (Proverbs 5:18-19) 7) Ensure that other men do not "enjoy" your wife in public places. (Proverbs 5:16) 8) Do not be captivated by other women (Proverbs 5:20) 9) Praise your wife. (Proverbs 31:28-29) 10) Tell your wife how captivated you are with her body (Song of Solomon, esp 4:7; 7:1-8) 11) Honor your marriage; keep it pure by remaining true to your wife in every way (Heb 13:4)12) Be thankful for your wife and realize the favor you have received from God. (Prov 18:22) 13) Be "one flesh" with your wife in every way. (Matthew 19:5)
I share all of this simply to say...Go ahead and be submissive to your husbands. If your man is fulfilling his biblical duties to you and God, then there should be no hesitation and complete peace of mind.
I can almost see it That dream I'm dreaming but There's a voice inside my head saying,You'll never reach it, Every step I'm taking, Every move I make feels Lost with no direction My faith is shaking but I Got to keep trying Got to keep my head held high...... The struggles I'm facing, The chances I'm taking Sometimes they knock me down but No I'm not breaking I may not know it But these are the moments that I'm going to remember most yeah Just got to keep going And I, I got to be strong Just keep pushing on, cause....
There's always going to be another mountain I'm always going to want to make it move Always going to be an uphill battle, Sometimes you going to have to lose, Ain't about how fast I get there, Ain't about what's waiting on the other side It's the climb.
~Miley Cyrus
Before I start I must say that this is a release for me. This morning I was listening to Bonnerfide Radio (getbonnerfide.com). And brothers Gerard Bonner and Dion Moffett gave a word on this morning which inspired this blog. Thank you so much! *Disclaimer: from 9-12 chek out bonnerifide radio. You will sure to be blessed*
You know this journey that we call LIFE is not what you call an easy road. The more that you are going to achieve the more you are going to have to endure. The bright side of it, is that you were destined for what you are doing. Even in your "wilderness" season, you were destined. Without that wilderness season, you can not be equipped for what you are destined to be.
As I think about my life, my husbands life, and the life of my unborn child, I get really emotional and filled and can do nothing but Thank God for The Climb! I cant speak about so much of my husbands Climb but I can speak about mines and ours together now.
I am have shared part of my story in a previous blog called Your Marriage, Your Family. But I've shared what family can do...not so much of self.
I have something that some people have, some people guard, something that most people don't understand and look down on. I have B.H.D. also known as Big Heart Disease. I have allowed people to hurt me, allowed things to happen because I didn't want to loose a so called friend, and have made excuses for things that are not excusable. I have been in relationships where I have given myself away because of promises that would never come to light. I have been apart of ministries where my love and loyalty was taken for granted and not protected. Even through all of this, it was part of MY CLIMB.
I am a victim of Rape, mental and physical abuse. I am a product of a single parent home. I have been from home to home to rest my head. I am a victim of not being understood and what I am suppose to do on this earth because I am different from others. Even through all of this, it was part of MY CLIMB.
I have done things to get attention. I have lied because I never wanted people to know what was going on internally. I have gone "through the motions" just to keep from hurting others. But this was all apart of MY CLIMB.
I am apart of a generational curse. But its all apart of MY CLIMB.
When I was going through those things and still going through some, I never knew what they were for but it was always reminded to me that its for a greater purpose. When I thought I lost, I actually won because I overcame. I didn't died, all of it built me up for a moment in time. I can live to tell the story to help others. So that even in the midst of the storm God will still bless. I am HAPPILY married to a God fearing husband, who does not mind laying down his plate and praying, who encourages me, who lifts me up, and even tells me what I need and helps me continue to become the woman that God wants me to be. He encourages me to continue to pursue my dreams of being in Music and the ministry. I am about to be a mother in 2 1/2 months. I can impart what God continues to pour into me. Give my child back over to God, and more importantly, break a curse that has been on my family. My child will have both mommy and daddy in home.
How can I apply my climb, to marriages today. Out of everything I have been through and done, I could have easily let my past, my test, my trails, and wounds that some I have even inflicted on myself to determine where I would be, but I used it as a stepping stone. When we have our ups and downs in marriages, no that it is apart of YOUR CLIMB. Without those steps, those bumps in the mountain, you will not know how to appreciate the other side. Marriage is about growth, work and unconditional LOVE. Those bumps are needed. And even though we can always see what on the other side, its not about what over there, Its about THE CLIMB!
So I encourage you to keep climbing. Even in what we consider a lost we have already WON!Keep the Faith, keep the fight, and HOLD ON!
Here is a video of a song written by Miley Cyrus call The Climb. Enjoy.
Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I may not forget you. ~William Arther
