Postpartum Depression

A lot of people don't realize that depression is an illness. I don't wish it on anyone, but if they would know how it feels, I swear they would think twice before they shrug.

~Johnathan Davis

Being a wife is such a wonderful thing. It comes with duties that maybe tasking at times but its a love and desire that makes it all worth it. Then here come motherhood. This is a whole other feeling in itself. Its such a beautiful feeling. To have someone who needs you for literally everything, sleepless night, doctor appointments, and those wonderful poopy diapers...lol. Then when you add those two jobs together it becomes a responsibility that is one of hard work, sacrifice, and unconditional love. At times it can be overbearing, but its all worth it in the end.

I thought I would talk about postpartum depression because honestly I am dealing with a slight case of it.

Postpartum Depression:

a phychiatric disorder consisting of severe depression that can affect a woman soon after giving birth.

We have all heard stories of mothers who have literally killed their children because of this severe disorder. You know I must admit, I can't see how you can hurt something so innocent but I would lie if I said that the sadness or heavy feeling that the world is caving in isn't there. Its hard to write about this because I'm not one who is having the thoughts of hurting my child or ignoring my child. My son means everything to me and my life is not worth more than his. His safety and health comes before mines and I would lay down my life for my child. But I would be lying if I said that its not hard at times.

My hormones are crazy right now. Mixed emotions on everything...lol. Seriously, one minute I am happy go lucky the next I am so sad. There is so much that I would love to be doing right now but do to some things that are beyond my control (not dealing with my son) I cant do those things. It makes me sad because I feel incompetent. Like I'm not a good mother and wife. Like I'm worthless and am bringing nothing to the table. Even so bad that I may have a thought that my husband and son would be better off without me. Like maybe I move somewhere else. Crazy huh? Yeah that's what I say when I snap out of it. But I realize because of these hormones, my thoughts run completely out of control.

You never know how serious it is until you go through it. It really is life changing and makes you grateful for a lot. It really helps to talk to someone and even write it out. I love my husband so much because he listens and helps and prays with me and for me. I'm grateful that I don't have to go through this alone. And most of all I'm so thankful for my son. He is my everything and I cant imagine my life without him or my husband.

Love you guys and to let you all know writing these blogs are therapeutic for me and as I help someone I am helping myself. Be Blessed all :-)