...or not quite. (Please allow a moment of transparency.)
I recently cam out of a 3 month rough patch with my husband. During this time I felt hurt and alone because he didn't seem to care about my feelings anymore. I know, that sounds childish. But it's how I felt. No matter howmany times I tried to communicate my feelings with him he just didn't get it, or worse, he got mad because he felt I was attacking his character. Eventually, I gave up trying and loneliness began to settle into my marriage. It was an awful feeling. My first year of marriage was great! It had its minor hiccups, but overall a great year. I guess we were in our honeymoon phase, but now its time for the "Happily Ever After"...that's supposed to last forever and I it was looking like hell. I started questioning myself, "Why be in a marriage that you feel completely alone in?" I don't believe in divorce, but I was ready to just be on my own...scarey hunh?
The day of reconciliation came when I called a like-minded girlfriend. She's our good friend, she's married, has the same religious and moral beliefs as I, and she and her husband actually met with the same minister/marriage counselor that we did prior to our nuptuals. Anyway, in telling her what we were going through I began to break down and cry...I hadn't cried in a looooooooonnnnngggg time. That showed me that I still cared. My friend just listened, reassured me, encouraged me, and helped me to finally have some peace. I think it was just the simple act of her listening that gave me peace. Well after this talk I was finally ready to talk to my husband...AGAIN.
It was a long and emotional conversation, but it was needed. It healed the hurt in our marriage, because it was all taking a toll on him also. We talked about our problems and found SOLUTIONS...TOGETHER. So, in the midst of my marriage drama what did I learn?
1. Do not stop at communicating your feelings to one another, but look for solutions together. People can talk all they want, but if nothing comes out of the conversation, then what's the point?
2. DO CONFIDE in a loving, trusting, like-minded friend. God puts people in your life for a reason. Ask God to help you discern those who are there for your good from those who are not.
3. Even a little bit of love is worth putting in work.
Now I'm back in love, reunited with my best friend, reliving my honeymoon phase and am thankful. I hope I have encouraged someone today.
Angel I would like to thank you for this post. I was just getting ready to write a transparency blog as well :-) I thank God for your transparency! Love you!
ReplyDeleteGreat blog Angel! I think the 1st step you conquered with this matter was to first acknowledge that there was a problem not only in your marriage but with 'self.' You also sought help from a 'like minded' person instead of a person who simply isn't married or has never been married, which is one of the most common--- BIGGEST error that one can make. You should never seek advice from a person who has not walked or isn't walking in your shoes, in this case--seek (married couples). As you said, people are placed in our lives for reasons. One friend may be a good source to confide in about non-personal related matters, yet another friend may be good to confide in who is married to share your challenges with. Proverbs or the 'GOOD' book (bible) is the greatest source for guidance. I've learned that It's imperative to first work WITHIN when it comes to issues we may face as we both sometimes do not always agree (differences in opinion). Once you work within to sought your own personal issues, you become enlightened with a different perspective. You are then able to approach the matter w/ your husband. Sometimes all it takes is to simply change YOUR attitude in order to change the course in your marriage.
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