Sexpectations

There are many things you sit and talk about before you decide to marry someone. What your future goals are, how many children you want to have -- if any --, where you'll want to live -- you know, stuff like that. But, do people really sit down and talk about how much sex is going to be had? What expectations they have for how much physically intimacy they require. Probably not.

Before I continue, let me just say this. If you're married and reading this, you know what I'm talking about. I'm just taking a moment to be a little transparent if you will -- having a breathing discussion with myself that I hope you'll chime in on with your thoughts. Would you allow me that? Okay cool. Let's continue.

Right after you get married it's like you can't get enough of one another. Physically, emotionally -- you guys are just riding the newlywed high. I know my husband and I used to laugh at those couples who were intimate like once a month. In our early years of marriage, we couldn't fathom that. It was really humorous to us.

But now, almost four years into this thing I can totally see how something like that could slip away. It's easier than one might think. Especially when you throw other factors into the mix like careers, children, emotional and body issues... stuff like that. It's something you have to make a conscious effort to keep. I know I do. As a work at home mom of two ( sometimes three) and wife and all the other responsibilities I juggle, being sexy is sometimes the last thing on my mind. It's like on the checklist of stuff you want to have in your marriage you have to write on there 'make sure to keep it spicy'. What's really up with that?

Sex in a marriage is just as important as financial stability, communication and all that. In fact, it is a form of communication in itself. To take that piece from the puzzle would be to make a huge mistake in the life of your marriage.

Now before you think I'm totally random, this subject came to mind as I was having a discussion with a friend the other day. She said that if the sex somehow left her marriage, she wouldn't be able to stay with her husband. The love would still be there, but for her -- that is a vital element. She said if there was no sex in her marriage, she'd be more prone to cheat therefore it was no point in her staying married under those circumstances.

It got me to thinking if this is something that couples talk about before they get married. Like if there is really a discussion about the 'sexpectations' of it all. There should be. Absolutely. I realize sex is an organic thing. No one plans what time there are going to get busy. It happens when it happens, how it happens. But what happens when years down the marital road, what was happening weekly starts happening monthly, or not at all?

My husband and I both had sexpectations going into our marriage. It was a conversation we had. It was crucial to understand what it would take to meet each other 's needs in that way. Hmm...I don't know. Are we weird? Are we the only people who had that conversation?(Some of our friends say yes, lol).

Here's some questions I have though. I wonder what happens when these conversations aren't had. Is the expected frequency of sex something we internalize from watching too much television? Are we seeing these married couples who seem to get it on all the time in movies and on TV and begin to judge our own relationships based on that? How do you know whether or not you and your mate have "enough" sex in your relationship? I've contemplated asking my married friends but that would just be weird. But seriously, how do you gauge that? No you can't base one relationship off another but it's still very interesting to me to see.

I have my own answers to these questions that I wont get into here. But for sake of conversational debate, I'd love to know what you married folks think. If you've been married for one minute, one year or ten -- lemme know what you think about marital sexpectations.