In a past blog I discussed how black women should start to consider dating outside of their race. Just to recap (briefly of course), there was a lot of talk around the subject “why black women stay single for so long”. The theory behind it was that they cannot find their equals – the numbers are too disproportioned. The number of college educated black women far exceed the number of college educated black men, more black women have higher paying jobs than black men, black men make up the majority of prisons… the stats could go on and on. So if you remember, I thought that one answer to this was that they (black women – but this goes for all women) should expand the playing field. Other people date outside their race, why not black women? The possibility of finding love and happiness can’t be limited to just the “brown packages”. Live life and open up the yellow and red and purple ones too.
Ok, so now that we’re caught up; it brings me to my reasoning behind this entry. Last night I watched a play by Je’Caryous Johnson titled, “Cheaper to Keep Her”. (Oh I just have to do a quick plug, lol: This play has an all star cast and was hilarious! I knew absolutely nothing about the play, who was acting in it, what it was about, nada, and boy was I pleasantly surprised!) Ok I’m back. So as I was saying, last night I went to see this play and there was a certain aspect that interested me. I will try not to spoil it by telling the whole story. There was a character who played the cliché white woman who only dates black men and tries to school the sistahs on why she can get ‘em and they can’t. So of course on the other hand there had to be the cliché black woman with a whole lot of attitude and a deep rooted hate for all white women who don’t “stick to their own color”. During the confrontations between these two walking clichés the audience (of mostly black middle-aged women) hooted, cackled, snapped their fingers and rolled everything from their eyes and necks to whatever else can roll in agreement with anything the white-girl-hating sistah had to say.
As funny as it was in the play, it got me to thinking; why do these women care so much about a white woman coming in and dating a black woman’s D-O-G of a man? Besides the fact that it shouldn’t matter that people cross the color lines; why all the “she stole my man” and the “stick to her own race” when we shouldn’t be with the loser guys anyway? Your man isn’t a hot car stereo left unattended in the projects. He can’t be “stolen”. If all this talk is going around about how there are too few black men (note I didn’t say there weren’t any) then why do people get worked up when a white girl starts dating one of the ones who you usually don’t really want anyway?
By no means am I throwing out black men with yesterday’s trash. I have two brothers who are going to make wonderful husbands. I have me an amazing black man myself. And I am also not leaving white women who do date black men to only pick amongst the scrubs and cheaters we don’t want. I am simply saying do away with the color boundaries. Not just with who we date, but with who our men date too. Why fight with a woman over a man who cheated on you by his own doing, just because she’s white? Now, if white women start holding black men at gun point and forcing them to run off with them. Then maybe we have a problem, lol.
ok so I agree with you, But I think and this is just my opinion, that some black women are not upset when white women date black men that they would not date. Its when the College Educated or the Man who works hard and treats his girlfriend/wife/significant well is and we are left with the black men that we would never date. Some black women i think get upset at the idea that white women take all of the Good Black men. And i also think that Black women who want a Good Black man should not have to change that ideal to just be happy. Do i think the color hatin is wrong and petty yes, but do i understand some when they see our good black men with women of other races?? absolutely! there is also historical reasons for the resentment of White women and Black men, especially since black men who dated white women were killed and hung or if they even looked at a white women charged with rape and osistah'sther charges. So I think the issues is societal and deeper then the basic conservations like that on Baisden's show and other of the like.
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ReplyDeleteI agree with what this blog is saying. If you go back in history then you can find a reason for any person to hate every person. We could say that French men shouldn't date German women and we could break down African Americans and set their boundaries by the region in Africa that they come from. Then we could further divide that by cases of religious oppression and classism that we find within each community. History will always provide us with a reason to hate on someone else. Even if you still hate white women it doesn't make sense to blame them for "taking" the "good" black men. Any "good", educated, kind, responsible black man can surely be trusted to make the best decision for himself. Stating that white women are "taking" black men implies that these women are somehow bamboozling black men and blocking them from a better option. Are we saying that the white woman is just that much smarter than black men and women? The truth is that black men will occasionally choose to be with white women because they are the better choice at the time. If we are crediting black men with the capabilities of reasonable decision making then this must be true. If a man is given the choice to take either a black woman who is everything he wants and needs or a white woman who is less of both then he will choose the black woman. If he doesn't then he is obviously a stupid man and you say that women only care about the loss of "good" black men. I make this comment not to state that black women are inferior by any means. I am simply saying that it isn't because a woman is black that keeps her from being with one of these black men with a white girl. One would also think that the high demand for a good black man and the extremely short supply would create a dream market of outstanding choices for a black man to choose from but this isn't the case. There are a lot of no good black women too. If you don't believe that then ask yourself how many of your girlfriends would you let seriously date your brother. For the majority of women it is probably one at most.
Having said all that, I do agree that their is a problem with matching the Good Black Men in America to the Good Black Women but I believe the problem is found in the clashing of expectations and lagging communication between black couples and not in the conspiracy of the white woman.
WOW!!!! It seems there has already been alot said on the subject and i'm just goin to come at with the down to earth black man. Sadly everything you've said has been pretty much true. I, myself, am blessed to be a non discriminatory attitude. I almost wished that there were more open minded men and women. I enjoyed the company of many different types of women big, small, black, white, smart, (not so smart), etc. I've learned that women really need to be empowered. The more you strengthen those women the more confidence they'll have to be able to step out the norm. Some don't take the step out because they feel thats all they deserve. Black people in general are kept in a box. Very few of us travel, explore, go on adventures or any of that type of stuff. We don't step outside of the comfort zone and that spills over to the other parts of our lives. In addition, for those women who are successful and very confident then you need to examine your qualities. Consider that you may find everything you want in a yellow, or white man and you may fall in love with whats inside. That in itself enhances the outer beauty. I'm a product of that.
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