Marriage is a blessing, it is not something that is owed to us or something that happens to everyone and I think sometimes we forget that. Just because we are married today doesn't mean we will be tomorrow. It is going to take work, compromise and communication. Sometimes you are going to be fed up and shut down or just want to walk away because its easier to be single and do what you want when you want than to have to come to an agreement.
First you move in together. If you both had your own place beforehand who's place do you move into or do you buy a new place together? What furniture will you keep? What if the one thing he wants in the house is the item you hate the most or isn't apart of your vision for the house? For alot of couples this is where the downward spiral starts. If you or him have a few personal items that the other hates but it makes the house feel like home to them does it really matter? If you hate the color find a slip cover for it or have it re-upholstered in a color you both like. Don't be surprised if guys want a say in what or how the house looks or if they have a vision of their own. Be willing to listen because they might surprise you.
After you move in its time to start talking about how you are going to handle the finances. This is the biggest cause for divorce and there is no right or wrong answer of how it should be handled. It's just what suits your relationship and personalities best. We have a joint account where all of our bills, groceries, household items and what not come out of. Along with that we get an allowance where we can do whatever we want with that money or nothing at all. This has worked for us because we have the same goals for the money and we can come to a decision on how we want to spend our money. Alot of strain comes when you have both decided to spend the money differently or you have an agreement and someone doesn't adhere by it. I know for alot of people this has been a big struggle. And at one point or another you are going to say or think that it was alot easier being on my own. I could do what I want when I wanted and I didn't have to run my plans by anyone but myself. And while this is true and you might be upset you have to remember why you got married in the first place. You got married because you loved this person and you decided to be with this person and in that decision there would be compromises. So maybe you can't travel to Greece with all your single friends this year but maybe you can save your money and next year you and your husband can get away to a foreign land.
Finally, family. While they are great for telling embarrassing stories from your past they can also be overbearing and over step their boundaries. This can be a very sensitive subject. you don't mean to hurt their feelings or your spouses but sometimes they need to take a step back and realize that your relationship isn't theirs. Sometimes it's not your relationship but how you are raising your children. But how do you get it to stop. I think one of the easiest ways to do it is to have the person's family it is say something first. They won't be as offended and at least then you know your spouse agrees with how you feel. If it continues you should definitely step up and say how you feel but in a respectful manner. You are still going to have to see them and communicate with them and they are your elders:). You can choose your spouse but you can't choose their family and vice versa.
You can't think your marriage is always going to be there you have to keep working on it. Once you stop you might to lose it. And nobody wants that. If things feel so overwhelming and you and your spouse want to work it out but can't on your own, don't be ashamed of going to marriage counselling. It might be the thing you need to help get you on the same page and what saves your marriage.
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